Do I Praise My Child Too Much or Not Enough?
"Am I building my child’s confidence, or making them too dependent on praise?"
This is a question many parents struggle with.
We want to raise confident, resilient kids, but we also don’t want them to become praise-dependent, constantly seeking validation rather than developing their own inner sense of achievement.
So, how do we strike the right balance?
In this article, we’ll break down:
✔️ How praise impacts child psychology
✔️ The difference between helpful and harmful praise
✔️ How to use process-based praise to nurture resilience and self-esteem
✔️ Practical strategies to praise with purpose
The Science of Praise: How It Shapes Self-Worth
Praise isn’t just about making kids feel good—it actually shapes how they see themselves.
Studies in child development and self-esteem show that the wrong kind of praise can lead to:
❌ A fixed mindset – Kids may start believing they’re only valuable when they succeed.
❌ Fear of failure – They avoid challenges because they don’t want to lose their “smart” or “good” label.
❌ Approval-seeking behaviour – They rely on others to validate their self-worth instead of trusting their own efforts.
On the other hand, mindful, well-placed praise helps children:
✅ Develop intrinsic motivation – They feel proud of their efforts, not just their results.
✅ Embrace challenges – They learn that mistakes are part of growth.
✅ Build resilience – They persist even when things get tough.
So, it’s not about whether you should praise your child—it’s about how you praise them.
Too Much Praise vs. Too Little Praise: Finding the Balance
Let’s break down both extremes:
🚨 When There’s Too Much Praise
Some parents unknowingly overpraise their children, thinking it boosts confidence. But excessive or exaggerated praise can:
🔹 Make kids dependent on approval (“I only feel good when someone tells me I did well”)
🔹 Reduce motivation (“If I’m already the best, why try harder?”)
🔹 Lead to perfectionism (“I can’t make mistakes, or I won’t be good enough”)
❌ Example of Overpraise:
"You’re the smartest kid ever!" (Instead of encouraging growth, this sets unrealistic expectations.)
⚠️ When There’s Too Little Praise
On the other hand, some parents avoid praise altogether, thinking it will toughen their kids up. But lack of praise can lead to:
🔹 Low self-worth (“Am I even good at anything?”)
🔹 Emotional detachment (“My efforts don’t matter”)
🔹 Lack of motivation (“Why should I try if no one notices?”)
❌ Example of Lack of Praise:
Child: “Look! I built this all by myself!”
Parent: [No response or acknowledgment]
So, what’s the right approach?
The Right Way to Praise: Process Over Perfection
The best way to praise your child is through process-based praise—focusing on effort, progress, and strategies rather than just the final outcome.
💡 Shift from Evaluation to Encouragement
❌ Instead of “You’re so smart!” → ✅ Say “I love how you kept trying even when it was hard!”
❌ Instead of “You’re the best artist ever!” → ✅ Say “I can see how much thought you put into this drawing.”
❌ Instead of “Good job!” → ✅ Say “You worked really hard on that!”
This teaches children that success isn’t about being the best—it’s about effort, perseverance, and learning.
Is Your Child Seeking Too Much Validation?
If your child constantly asks:
🔹 “Did I do a good job?”
🔹 “Do you like my work?”
🔹 “Am I smart?”
…they may be relying too much on external validation.
🔄 How to Shift the Focus Back to Inner Confidence
🔹 Encourage self-reflection – Ask “What do you think about your work?” instead of always giving praise.
🔹 Celebrate effort, not just results – Praise their perseverance, not just the outcome.
🔹 Let them struggle a little – Allow them to face challenges and learn resilience instead of rescuing them immediately.
These small tweaks help children build self-trust, independence, and resilience—which are far more valuable than any compliment.
How Books Help Foster Confidence & Self-Worth
One of the best ways to build a child’s sense of self-worth is through storytelling. Books help children see themselves in different situations, reflect on emotions, and learn resilience naturally.
At Moral Sense, our books are designed to:
✅ Encourage deep reflection rather than passive reading
✅ Provide guided learning experiences to strengthen character
✅ Help parents instill confidence, resilience, and self-awareness in their kids
📖 Books That Help Foster Self-Worth & Confidence:
✔️ The Petal Keeper – A story about self-worth and inner strength
✔️ Light to My Shadow – A Lesson in caring for Others and Owning Our Actions
✔️ Let the Sand Settle – Helping kids navigate emotions with mindfulness
Unlike passive reading, these books come with guided activities that encourage parent-child discussions, self-reflection, and reinforcement of values.
Final Thoughts: Praise mindfully
The goal isn’t to stop praising children—it’s to praise them the right way.
✅ Make it specific – “I noticed how you kept trying!”
✅ Focus on effort, not labels – “That took patience, and you stuck with it!”
✅ Encourage self-reflection – “How do you feel about your work?”
By praising mindfully, you’re building your child’s resilience, confidence, and self-worth—skills that will stay with them for life.
📌 Want more parenting insights? Explore our blog "Raising with Purpose" and check out our collection of mindful books for kids!
